Wednesday, May 04, 2005
a Forgotten conversation of Love and in Love...
One day, a friend of mine told me a conversation between her and a taxi driver (? I forgot who she talked to...) when she made her journey to some place, I forgot where. Anyway their conversation touch to this topics, about love and in love. If I'm not mistaken, the taxi driver asked her (I forgot who asked the question actually and I also forgot the details...) , "...are you in love or love with your spouse?" ( I think this one should be boy friend though...again I forgot). " I've been marry to my wife for some years and I love her although I'm not in love with her.." (I forgot how many years he has been married to his wive and I assume the taxi driver is quite old...). after that the conversation continues to I do not know where because she never told me...And then my friend explain to me, that in love somehow related to fall in love, a crush to a person and loved somehow has related meaning with caring. Well... at that time I just listen her words though... I mean it doesn't connect with anything in my brain, just store it and remember that she told me that odd story.
To tell you guys the truth... the love concept somehow still become a big question mark in my brain. It is hard to find a definition which can describe completly its meaning. I understand really well that someone (especially me...) have to experience first the feeling to define it properly. That is why I can identified clearly relationship between familly, cause I've experienced those. Friend and neighborhood too I can grasp its meaning. But love? I stopped to understand at some point. "...don't try to understand it just live with it, because you'll missed it when you even try to understand it..." a word of wisdom from old friend of mine. Probably he is right, at least I also think the same thing, that is why I stopped to understand it and enjoy it while it last.
I remember my first crush to girl, and amazingly it still pictured clear in my mind although it is only "child love" and nothing serious about it... hahaha..... Mix of happy, confused, exitement and insecured feeling everytime I go near her(Yes damnit..., a guy like me also experience that thing...), and at this point I stopped to think... I just enjoy the funny sensation. And it always happened everytime I meet a girl I liked so much, till today.
But there is something different now, yesterday we just a child with nothing to think about, all we have to think is how fun these will be. and now, with my age almost hit the ceiling, having crush for someone is become a big problem. This because I cared for her too much and she is also had worries about "friendly love" concept. Because of this I just feel I betray her trust for me as her friend. But truly, being crushed is not my choice. Wrong or right is not a problem here, so does the question of "love or love me not". My guilt is chasing me all around and I know I cannot let it go in the near future. I just hope my decision I made somehow will be the correct one.
To tell you guys the truth... the love concept somehow still become a big question mark in my brain. It is hard to find a definition which can describe completly its meaning. I understand really well that someone (especially me...) have to experience first the feeling to define it properly. That is why I can identified clearly relationship between familly, cause I've experienced those. Friend and neighborhood too I can grasp its meaning. But love? I stopped to understand at some point. "...don't try to understand it just live with it, because you'll missed it when you even try to understand it..." a word of wisdom from old friend of mine. Probably he is right, at least I also think the same thing, that is why I stopped to understand it and enjoy it while it last.
I remember my first crush to girl, and amazingly it still pictured clear in my mind although it is only "child love" and nothing serious about it... hahaha..... Mix of happy, confused, exitement and insecured feeling everytime I go near her(Yes damnit..., a guy like me also experience that thing...), and at this point I stopped to think... I just enjoy the funny sensation. And it always happened everytime I meet a girl I liked so much, till today.
But there is something different now, yesterday we just a child with nothing to think about, all we have to think is how fun these will be. and now, with my age almost hit the ceiling, having crush for someone is become a big problem. This because I cared for her too much and she is also had worries about "friendly love" concept. Because of this I just feel I betray her trust for me as her friend. But truly, being crushed is not my choice. Wrong or right is not a problem here, so does the question of "love or love me not". My guilt is chasing me all around and I know I cannot let it go in the near future. I just hope my decision I made somehow will be the correct one.
